Monday, December 7, 2009
Weddings & Marriages
To many single people, this 2 words seem like the most anticipated words in the English language. It ranks way up there together with words such as "I love you!". This phrase marks the next phase in an individual's life - MARRIAGE. Once you say it, there's no turning back and the world is filled with jokes and quotations about life after this 2 words were spoken. To quote a trite example.
"When a man is still single, he is half complete. When a man is married, he is finished."
Well, ever wonder why there's so much of anticipation about the big day and then the moment you take the next step, there are so many horror stories waiting for you to discover? It's a no brainer, right? Imagine being told, "Son, you should get married. It's not good for a man to be alone." Then after you took the advice you are told, "Son, deal with your own problems. Who asked you to be married in the first place?"
Well, while I'm no marriage counselor or relationship expert by any means, I'd like to share my personal views on this. Nowadays, too much emphasis is being put on the wedding and not enough emphasis is put on the marriage.
Wait a minute. Is there a difference between the two? You bet. Your wedding only lasts one day while your marriage lasts one life time. Couples spend approximately 365 days preparing for that big day planning for how to have the wedding photos taken, what gown to wear, who to invite, where to have the reception, where to go for honeymoon, etc. But only a fraction of that time is spent on planning how to live together for the rest of their lives. It's frightening to see that there are so many divorces and remarriages now. It's as if more emphasis is put on the wedding instead of life after the wedding. I personally know a couple who managed to involve me in their divorce and the ugliness of it and subsequently in their wedding to other partners. All within 24 months!
There's a saying in English that goes like this. "If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail." This applies to marriage, too. If the couple spends more time planning for their married life such as how to handle conflicts, how to divide the chores, how to live together (a.k.a the boring stuffs), they stand a better chance of honouring their vows to each other. Stephen Covey calls this the "important but not urgent matters" in life.
Lately, there are so many weddings in town. I sincerely wish these love birds the best in their married lives and may they find true marriage bliss that comes only with the boring stuffs such as commitment, hard work, tolerance, understanding and support. Then, comes chapter 2: The Baby! Well, that's another story for another day!